July 2020 - WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE

WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE

With perhaps one exception, humans were not meant to stand on water. That’s what I tell myself every time I fall off a SUP board (which is every time I try.) Or when I attempt to water ski, sitting back properly with the two boards out in front, giving the thumbs up to the boat, the engine roaring to life as my skis slide off at right angles and tear my groin into string cheese. So I try something easy like wake surfing. . . only to get dragged half a mile with my face six inches under, not wanting to let go and surface, to see the boat’s red flag of failure waving to the world.

MY USUAL POSITION

It all looks so fun on YouTube. But needless to say, water sports are not my forte. Perhaps I am too ambitious, you say. Why not something easy like body surfing? Well, I’ve tried it. Me: tumbling head over heels in the wave, banging my head, crashing into the sand and ripping the skin off my chest. Or that time I stepped on a stingray and ended up in a Mexican hospital getting my margarita substitute through an I.V. bag.

Yet despite my incompetence, I am drawn to the water. I think it is natural for most of us. Our bodies are more than 50% water, after all. A research project out of the UK recently found that people are generally happier and healthier living near a coast. Hotel rooms with ocean views command a hefty premium over land-only views. And studies have demonstrated that stress levels drop when we are shown natural photos with blue water in them.

Sometimes, when I am hiding under the surface, my sinuses full of lake water, delaying the inevitable, embarrassing breach into atmosphere to gulp air, snort out snot and suffer the ridicule of my boat mates—sometimes that is when I think about quitting. Perhaps I should get a hotel room with an ocean view, sit on the balcony with a mai-tai and watch the more senior Half-Life editorial staff do their Kelly Slater thing in the surf.

HALF-LIFER SHOWING OFF, PLAYING SUP FOOTBALL

Nah. What’s the fun in that? As that great boogie-boarder Winston Churchill once said, “Never give up.” So I am on a quest. One day I will spend more time above a SUP than below. Or I will skim board without landing face first in the sand. Or my ultimate goal. . . to actually ride a 3-foot wave with my giant foam surfboard. Then, dragon slayed, I will return to terra firma, sit at the beach fire and regale my Half-Life mates with the glory of my conquest, savoring a libation and basking in their adulation.

CROSSING THE RED SEA, UNABLE TO WALK ACROSS

But maybe I should start with a bubble bath.

Send Us YOUR Adventure

If you have had a great adventure, click HERE to tell us about it. We'd love to share your story to give us a laugh or to inspire us all to plan our next adventure whether that's learning to SUP or climbing Mt. Rainier.

HOT Summer Products

HALF-LIFE tested these products out and absolutely love them...so we decided to offer them to the HALF-LIFE nation. HALF-LIFE member discount code: HALFLIFEMEMBER

Inflatable POP UP Dock: This floating dock is an absolute blast! It holds up to 1,500lbs making it fun for all of your kids and their friends. Not to mention a great swim step extension, dock when you don't have one, or just something to float on. $899 MSRP
Review/Unbox Video HERE.

Inflatable POP Paddleboard SUP: We love these inflatable SUPs because they are lightweight (mobile) but still have great performance in terms of rigidity and tracking in variable conditions. Winter storage is a non-issue as you pack it into the backpack and stick it in a closet. AND...if you buy from HALF-LIFE we'll give you and your family a complimentary 1/2 hour lesson (Greater Seattle Area only). $799 MSRP
Royal Hawaiian Review/Unbox Video HERE.

Both products as well as HALF-LIFE merch is available at www.half-life.live